Remembering
my Father
Today
is my father’s birthday. Born on April 9, 1933, Dominador Tumamak Tabucanon
would have been 79 years old had his life not ended 30 years ago. He was a
remarkable man. I miss him more than I could express. I wish I could write a
longer piece about him, maybe someday. For now, its just scribbled tidbits on
the life and times of the man. If you have recollections of him, would be happy
to know.
There
are three things I would like to say about Papa: 1) much like many Filipino
parents he made sure we got good education, 2) how he dealt with his fellow
men, and 3) love for family, both his nuclear and larger family.
1.
Education. Papa was a stickler for academic propriety and excellence. He
corrected my use of "trucking" to refer to buses that passengers use
in going to Manila: " 'Trucking' is for cargoes, not people."Yes,
people and things are not the same. He also made sure that we read, andbought
books for us. He was himself a well-informed person who regularly read papers
and the Reader's Digest. His long-standing rule in the house was those who read
do not do house work. I took advantange of this "law", that up to
this day I do not know how to cook! I guess, every good law has its downside.
Papa's education was anchored on loyalty. Many may not agree, but in my case it
worked. For instance, he insisted I (and Vilma) do my high school at Western
for he studied there, and it worked forhim (e.g. he became a lawyer).
Logically, this is incorrect. What was good forhim, may not suit his children.
Its like saying I went to this mountain school barefoot, you do the same. Yet
Papa's insistence on my sticking it out with Western paid off for when the
school opened its law school they took me in as dean. That's loyalty and Papa's
foresight in action.
2.
Fellow men. Papa had an exceptionally high social intelligence.This did not
always sit well with Mama who wanted a quieter and more domesticatedhousehold.
During Papa’s time ours was an open house. The trip from Ormoc toTinag-an was
an odyssey of sorts by stopping by, drinking, eating and talking with his
clients and friends. I developed some kind of social phobia after
theexperience. Yet, if there was one thing Papa cannot be faulted, it was
hisability to connect with people: people of all shapes and sizes,
denomination, persuasion, sexual
orientation and economic standing. He was one of the few individuals I know who
does not know how to discriminate. He was loved by the people in return. His
love was universal and cosmopolitan. When TV was new in the villageand some
households charged fees for a view, he said our TV should be free; sowith the
beach house in Tinag-an. He said that
should be for free use by the community.
3.
Family. Papa loved his family, his wife, children, brothers and sisters, uncles
and aunts, and cousins galore. It was a love that radiated through and through,
and I don’t know how he did it but he seemed to have memorized the names of
each and every cousin of his including their spouses, children and
grandchildren. My shy and private nature is but a speck of that genius of
knowing one's exact family interconnections to the dot. He does not distinguish
between blood cousins and cousins by virtue of his marriage. When Dodok, who
was Mama’s first cousin had Aplastic Anemia, Papa spearheaded the line up of
blood donors and offered him a room in
Ormoc (had it painted and screened). Papa was loved by his larger family in
return. He treasured gifts and made sure we knew who gave what to him: his law
books, office table (the one with DTT initials that looked like they were
bullet holes), and cabinet were given. He treasured the Samsonite bag given by
his sisters, and was proud of the dollar check gifts he received from his
family in America which he would divide among us, his children, by ratio and
proportion according to age. And that suited me, being the eldest, but then I
did not choose to be born first.
All
in all, Papa’s was a life well lived. He was a good man, and a kind man, to his
family and the community. I am happy to
have met and interacted with him, enough to recollect some of the many good
things he did. For my part, I have dedicated some of my important life works
and projects in his name and memory.
Papa,
I hope wherever you are that you are happy:
All your children have married and they have their own children now.
Life goes on. You have not failed us: you were a good father and person to all
of us.
Sydney 9 April 2012
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